Resuming working activities after MC post appendicectomy and STO~

Ok. Today is my first day working post op. Was in charged of acute cubicle in AM Shift with 3 ventilated patients, this is not a joke. There are few relatives of one of the patients who made up stories for shits we don't do. I was so upset. Ended up my shift with an empty stomach. This is not good :'(
After finished my shift, I asked few of my friends and HOs to help on my STO. They were so busy, I understood. So, I did the STO, myself. Huuu~
The wound was a bit gaping like 1mm width. Hopefully it will perfectly seamed and heals :)
InsyaAllah :D

*Currently listening to Bee Gees - Islands in the Stream

Make Up Class with Amy Ameera :D

It's been so long since I usha her blog about her make up jobs. Geram betul. One day, I decided to book a one-to-one class with her on the 6 January 2012. The class took place at her studio somewhere near Kajang Komuter Station. Enjoy these pics :D

My make up guru, Amy Ameera

Make up by Amy Ameera. L: Smokey R: Socket

Me berlagak Mak Andam

My sis, my model, my touch

Fullamak!!!
Puji diri sendiri.. Huhu

Haaa.. Last but not least...

Suri, Assistant Make up retisss

*Currently listening to Ning Baizura - Kau dan Aku

HTAA Medical Night 10 December 2011

 Enjoy these pictures~

The Poco-poco O8C version girls

Kak Su - Make up by me :D

L-R: Kak Aisyah and Kak Herda - Make up by me :D

Half of us the O8C :)

*Currently listening to Pico Pico Pong Pong Song :D

10 causes of demotivation I have~

1.) You’re demotivated by fear

When you’re afraid, even if you’re entering territory that you’ve chosen to move into, a part of yourself is determined to avoid going forward. Fear slows you down and makes you hesitant and careful, which can be beneficial to you, but sometimes your fears are based on your imagination rather than an accurate assessment of the risks in your reality. If your fear is big enough, even if you’re also excited to go forward, the part of you that wants to keep you safe can successfully prevent you from going forward into territory that’s both desirable and safe.

Me: Fear of critics and lose of trustworthy from other people. I know people look down upon me, though I am doing well in certain things.

2.) You’re demotivated by setting the wrong goals

Martha Beck has a great model for understanding motivation. She explains that we have an Essential Self and a Social Self. Your Essential Self is the part of you that’s spontaneous and creative and playful, the part that knows what’s most important to you. Your Social Self is the part of you that developed since the day you were born, learning the rules of the tribe and working hard to make sure that you’re safe by making you follow the rules of the tribe.
We’re all surrounded with so many messages that feed into our Social Selves and we’re keen to impress our tribe. When you feel demotivated, it’s because you’re setting goals based purely on what your Social Self wants and this is pulling you away from the direction your Essential Self wants you to take. Your Essential Self uses demotivation to slow you down and try to disinterest you from the toxic goals you’ve set.

Me: I set a perfect goal before until people on the higher authority ruins it. And now, there will be no more goals. Just go with the flow.

3.) You’re demotivated by lack of clarity about what you want

When you haven’t consciously and clearly articulated what you want, your picture of your future will be vague. We like what’s familiar and so we resist what’s unfamiliar and vague and we stay with and re-create what’s familiar to us instead. If you’re not clear about what you want to create, then it makes sense that you’ll lack motivation to act because you’d rather stay with your current familiar reality.

Me: I want to be the best nurse, giving impact to the healthcare setting in this MOH. When the people said you must do this, that, these and those, and no full stop, so I think my passion just gone. I’d choose to stay with current order from the higher authority until when? I’m not sure.

4.) You’re demotivated by a values-conflict

Your values are what are important to you in life. If you have a values conflict it means that there are two or more values that are important to you but you feel that you can’t satisfy all of those values in a particular situation. This causes you to feel conflicted and pulled in different directions as you try to find ways to get what’s important to you. You might have brief spurts of motivation to work on something and then lose motivation and start working on something else or your motivation might dry up altogether because the energy of dealing with internal conflict quickly tires you out and saps your motivation.

Me: I want to be a good nurse. I want to show people that degree nurses aren’t do shit. I did all by myself. But, at last, people don’t recognize me. I am tired of trying my best to gain acknowledgement from people but they are too blind to see. So, what I do now is just do what people want me to do – doing regular nurse jobs and tasks. Nothing extraordinary. See, now you can’t differentiate between the graduate nurses and the current staff nurse. It’s a waste. So sad.

5.) You’re demotivated by lack of autonomy

We thrive on autonomy. We all have a decision-making center in our brains and this part of us needs to be exercised. Studies have found that this decision-making center in the brain is under-developed in people who have depression and that, by practicing using this part of the brain and making decisions, depression often clears.

Me: Before this, I tend to make my own non-idiot-kind-of decision making. Until people said, “You are a nurse. So, just follow orders”. Then some people said, “We know that you are good. But to show off your brightness is a waste. Nobody hears you”. Whenever I voiced out an opinion in order to push the nursing profession towards higher level, people said, “We did research regarding this. And who are you to judge? Before this, none of them says things about this policy. And now you came and wanted to us to change?” The reality is, I just giving an opinion based on what I learned in my former nursing school and what we’d practice in my previous university hospital. They should be glad that I care to share.

6.) You’re demotivated by lack of challenge

When it comes to dealing with challenges, there’s a sweet spot. Too great a challenge and the fear becomes too great and saps our motivation, and if the challenge is too small, we quickly get bored and struggle to stay motivated. We’re designed to be living, growing creatures and we need constant challenge and opportunities to master new skills. Without challenge, our Essential Self steps in and demotivates us as a way of telling us that we’ve departed from the path that’s right for us.

Me: My challenge is the same like other nurses. That is no challenge. So, I have nothing here to proof that I am different from others.

7.) You’re demotivated by grief

At the beginning of any change, we go through a phase of wondering if we should or could hang onto the way things were and grieving what we’d be losing if we make significant changes. Confusion, self-doubt, mistrust of the world around us and feeling lost are common symptoms and the bigger the change, the more powerful these symptoms. Sometimes we even go through a bit of depression and social withdrawal. With all the grieving and fearing and feeling lost that goes on in this phase, it’s normal for your motivation to dry up.

Me: If I said something about the current management and policy, people will keep on criticizing me behind. People will lose trust, and withdraw me from the community. The truth? I will never trust you people!

8.) You’re demotivated by loneliness

This is an especially important one for those of us who work alone from home. You know those days when you feel a bit cabin-feverish, you just don’t feel like working and you’d rather be out having a drink with a friend or playing a game of soccer? Well perhaps it’s because we’re designed to be social creatures and sometimes your Essential Self is just longing for some connection with other people and so it steps in and hi-jacks your work motivation so that you’ll take a break from work and go and spend some time with other people and give your Essential Self what it needs.

Me: I am working with some colleagues and other health care team members, and also not forgetting the managerial persons. They are just not helping. Better to work alone until I feel tired, stress and showing a bitter-sour face. Cute, huh?

9.) You’re demotivated by burn-out

Since I attract over-achieving Type A’s, and as a recovering Type A myself, I know that sometimes we’re banging on about wanting to get more done even after we’ve exceeded the limit on what’s sustainable. If you’re feeling tired all the time, have lost your energy for socializing, and the idea of taking a snooze sounds more compelling than the stuff you’re usually interested in, then you’ve probably pushed yourself too long and hard and you may be burned out.

Me: Undoubtedly, I am a Type A person.

10.) You’re demotivated by not knowing what to do next

Your end-goal might be nice and clear, but if you haven’t taken time to chunk your end-goal down into smaller goals, you’ll get stuck, confused and demotivated when it’s time to take action. Some projects are small and familiar enough that they don’t need a plan, but if you’re often worrying that you don’t know what to do next and you don’t have a clear plan, then this might be the source of your demotivation.

Me: Of course I don’t know what I supposed to do next. Because there are people up there master mind-ing my future, like a chess match. I only have to wait for their orders. It is too bad.

P/S: The dullness of my future is coming. Thank you people! Why nursing profession in this country is so lame?

I never say that I hate my job.

P/S: I'm posting this after had a discussion over an hour with numbers of matrons in their office, regarding my future plans yang kehancuran. And mostly about my attitude that has been changed from Hero to Zero. As I said, I am now De-Motivated. Just dump me at any place to do any job, I don't mind. Yes, I am now not the same person as before. Turned negatively towards kegelapan. Just let me go, please...




*Currently listening to Whitney Houston - Try It On My Own

Source: http://www.productiveflourishing.com/how-to-recover-from-10-types-of-demotivation/. Do visit here, their writings are awesome!

International Nurses Day Celebration @ SACC Convec, Shah Alam

Happy Nurses Day

I joined the HTAA delegates to this ceremony, where we went by bus, departed from 1am and finally arrived to Shah Alam Polytechnic College, for Subuh Prayer and bathe~

After having breakfast, then we arrived here:

SACC Convec, Shah Alam

In the Hall, where I slept for hours. Only awake on makan time :P

The Ladies, with Men's Wee Wee Bowl :P

Miss my classmates. L-R: Liza, Linda, Mynn, and Me :D

We went out earlier after lunch, as majority of the delegates are dying to get to Nilai 3 for shopping. Me? I did window shopping and bought a shawl only. Hehe :P

It supposed to be BINGKAI, not RANGKA :P

Heaven! Bila nak kahwin ni?

Then, I saw this at the park....

One handsome dinosaur...

...and one beheaded dinosaur. Hehe :P

P/S: Rasa nak ada rumah sendiri pulak bila tengok perabot di Nilai 3 :D

*Currently listening to Elvis Presly - Wooden Heart

3 days away to HoSHAS~

Last week, I joined the Pahang State Nurses Technical Meeting, which was held at HoSHAS, Temerloh, from the April 7th till 9th. At the end of the meeting, the vice DON announced that the U41 pre-registration no need to do rotation, have to be in a specific discipline (which must be given previously by the state matron), need to do shift for first 2 years, and after confirmed, to proceed with post basic courses related to the discipline in order to be the Clinical Nurse.

...And to be a Clinical Nurse SPECIALIST, we need to go for our Master Degree program.

What a relief..Thank you ALLAH.. Alhamdulillah :')

I think this HoSHAS looks more like an apartment ouside..hehe

Our first dinner. Shouldn't it be spelled Empire? Haha..

SETIM? Haha..

My mango slices, while Kak Zura is enjoying her Durian..

Temerloh Esplanade Saturday Night view.

Saturday's lunch - the Temerloh Signature Tempoyak Ikan Patin :D

We arrived Kuantan at about 4pm.
Kak Zura asked for my help to change her Sorento's battery.. And after that we stopped somewhere near the UiTM campus stalls for this Murtabak Mengkasar.

Best murtabak in Pekan Town..but here is Kuantan lah..hehe

My Sirap Bandung. Marvellous.

So large. Murtabak Ayam Special priced RM 9.00.

Overall ratings:

• Service: 4
• Environment: 3.5 (ok la, bersih lah jugak bagi sebuah stall)
• Food: 4 (sedap dan portion yang extra besar)
• Price: 3.5 (RM 9.00, I think it's quite expensive for a murtabak..hehe)

Look what I found in Temerloh? My favourite Kerepek Bayam, a Javanese Signature snack! (kat Temerloh ade orang Jawa ke?..oh, this one made in Jengka.. Jengka ada Jawa jugak?)

Days in ICU~

I am now doing attachment in Intensive Care Unit (ICU) for 2 weeks. I have been waiting this for long time ago, and at last, I manage to get the opportunity to work in ICU at the end of my Medical Posting. Actually, ICU attachement is a main criteria for any nurses in General Ward in order to allow them to take care of manually ventilated patients in the ward.
On the first day doing office hour, it's quiet ok, but looks like bodoh-bodoh sket. Nasib baik ade buat banyak revision before get myself into the ICU. Then I go into shifts. Tagging with senior staff nurses yang ade Post Basic ICU and love to teach (and proactive too!), helping them to monitor patients haemodinamically, procedures like ABG and blood taking, and bla..bla... They said so many things to do, even the nurse to patient ratio is 1:1 compared to the ward like hell, 1:12-14! Boring yang amat, ape nak buat, duduk aje kat meja tengok monitor, kalo ventilator alarmed, go to patient, betul2kan circuit, apa2 tah lagi..oh, not as busy as my ward. How I missed my general ward so much. But apa nak buat, need to be strong because I have to complete my cross book and give to ICU sister-in-charge in order to pass the posting. Hehehe
After this all of the U41 junior (freshies) nurses need to reshuffle and go into other department, and my next will be Paediatric! Oh, takutnya.. Takutnya.. There were a lot of negative rumors I've heard before. Oh, nak kekal posting medical boleh tak? Boleh tak?.. Ok, jawapannya, TAK BOLEH. KAU NAK KE SKT KAU TU KOSONG, PASTU ORANG CAKAP DEGREE NURSE NI BODOH, DAN KAU TAK LAYAK DAPAT GELARAN CLINICAL NURSE (should be clinical nurse, one day, supposedly???). Mestilah tak mahu kan.. Mummy said, "..ikut je lah dik.. Sabar ye.. Doakan segara urusan dipermudahkan Allah SWT." 
Rabbi ya sir wala tu'asir...

Good Luck to Myself :D

*Currently listening to Yuna - Something Super

MMA Pahang Installation Dinner, an Invitation!

I received an invitation to fill up the seat for a table sponsored by the Director of HTAA for the MMA Pahang Installation Dinner (and obviously, I am not the member, and of course a MEDICAL DOCTOR! caused I'm a nurse!). It was held at the Zennith Hotel on the 12th March 2011, served with Chinese Cuisines. Although many of the guests complaints about the food and the show, but I really enjoy every beat of seconds there! Thank you for the invitation :D

A warm welcoming music played by a group of Chinese boy. Oh, so lovely :')

The name was so funny to be remembered, but overall the female singer was stunning. I like!

Currently listening to MLTR - How Many Hours

Induction Course and Falling Sick~

Currently I am on Induction Course somewhere in Pahang for 2 weeks, from 10-24 February 2011. Fuh, it takes so long huh?! I really enjoy being here, hopefully becoming more focus on every topic discussed by the invited speaker as we will have 2-day of examination. Oh, wish me luck ok!
It is shock to say 95% of us falling sick including me- fever, sore throat, cough and flu, pneumonia-like symptoms, and one case of threatened abortion, which she's now being warded for closed observation. Hopefully no bad things will happen to her and the fetus.....and wish me and friends getting well soon...
Amiin

*Currently listening to Hetty Koes Endang - Hati Lebur Jadi Debu

HTAA MAKSUKES Annual Dinner 2011 @ the Zenith Hotel, Kuantan

The venue was actually dated on the 21st January 2011 ago. I seem too busy and now it's the only time I have to update my blog. I was running out of time on that day because I went back from the ward at almost 6pm, and quickly find a pair of heels. That's why I only have 30 minutes for make up! Tak dapatlah I nak make up vogue2 gitew.. Aci tak? Tengah2 nak make up je roomate I yang tak berapa nak betul tu balik, ade ke patut dia hempas2 pintu dan almari dan tutup lampu serta merta sbb dia allergic lampu terang2.. Hell betul, VAVI! I cume tinggal lagi sepulo menet je nak touch up. Kurang ajar betul! Btw, tak nak marah2, kita mesti happy dan senyum selalu. Biar dia je tension, I rilek je.. Cool beb! Chillex!
Enjoy the pic!

The 5 star Zenith Hotel

Situated next to the Sultan Ahmad Shah Convention Centre

Eye catchers of the night!

Yummy!

The door gift - A Tupperware brand bottle.

Next, the make up of the night....

In flash.

At first, I would love to have a very glamorous make up but because of that stupid girl who turned the lights off, so I have difficulties doing my make up. Grrrrr!!! >;(
At last, it turned to be a very natural make up. Ok ke? On camera flash, oh, SANGAT TEBAL NYAH! Hahaha :))

Lastly, gedik time!
 

I really love this couch. Look at my new heels!

 Overall ratings:

• Service: 4 (they supposed to serve the dessert before coffee and tea!)
• Environment: 5
• Food: 5
• Price: 5 (because we only have to pay RM 32, others, supported by the sponsors!)

 *Currently listening to Zee Avi - Just You and Me

It has been a year since I worked here in Kuantan~

It has been a year I worked here, in HTAA, Kuantan.
I've learned a lot, theoretically and practically of course!
But so sad, I still not confirmed yet (means, never attended induction course and BTN organized by JPA)
Alhamdulillah, that slowly the Matron let me do piece by piece the U41 core task. Though not all, but slowly I guess, the day will come. Inshaallah.
Love grows more day by day in Kuantan :)


*Currently listening to Lauren Wood - Fallen

Busy lately~

I was selected by the Matron to be the committee of JKNP's National Indicator Approach (NIA) and the HTAA IPTS coordinator for KIST and Windfield nursing college.
My first challenge began on the 11 January ago when I have to draft duty rosters for both colleges on their posting. There were 19 rosters I managed to complete the task from 5pm-4am in the morning. It was very late and I started to have a headache. But unfortunately I didn't have the colored printer. Should I or Should not I bought one to ease my burdensome of printing outside and have to pay RM0.40 per sheet?
The next morning, I met the Matron and get her countersign all the rosters and pass them to the CIs. At the office, the Matron gave me support and suggestions on how to make people realize my presence. Oh, I was so touched. Later I will show off. Later~


*Currently listening to Journey - Don't Stop Believin'